Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
