.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
