I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
