She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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