Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
