Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
