So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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