i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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