my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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