Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
