He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
