The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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