There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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