My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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