So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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