If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
