I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
