i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
