i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
