oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
