I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
