Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
