Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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