just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
