just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
