i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
this is an emotional support booty call
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
