I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
