nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
