i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
