I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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