Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
