This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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