just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
