He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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