He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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