I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
