apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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