my phone needs a breathalizer
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
