I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
