Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
