Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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