So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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