So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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