You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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