Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
