pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
