i need an iv and a liver transplant
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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