I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
