This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
