i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
