Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
