Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
