just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
