Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
