So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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