Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
