we made out on top of his cat.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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