I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Someone signed my nipple.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
