My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize