Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
