your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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