The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
