Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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