I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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