If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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