Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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