She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
