I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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