Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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