You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
