I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
